Broken nail

When was the last time you cried? I mean really cry? The kind of cry that the tears burn your eyes, turning them red, snot dripping, veins popping kind of cry?


Its funny because I watched a show one afternoon after I knocked of from work quite early and in the show Chasing life, April woke up one morning only to find that her new husband had died in his sleep right next to her. Her best friend though hadn't really cried for anyone, she explained that she hadn't cried because she hadn't lost anyone close to her. While helping April in a treasure hunt, they went looking for a clue in a hospital room. She broke a nail which made her burst into tears like she had had her hand cut off.


I understood that feeling of bottling up emotions, not living in the disappointment or anger, not wanting to let go of all you feel and just feel despite how bad you may look to the next person. Its in that moment that when the silliest things like banging your knee on a table could cause so many emotions to overtake you in one magically stupid instant.


I've had a few tough years...with a lot of good within that of course but its been a whirlwind of keeping myself together. I walk with a bounce and smile with a twinkle but every night alone in my bed I let my mind float into the darkness dreaming outside my head. I ponder and dissect my exact feelings with not much emotions involved. It took April's best friend's nail to make me realise that I hadn't cried in a while. .


But now that I did, I sigh and look to the heavens and smile. Everything will be alright after all. At least that is what I feel in this moment and that is what I need for now.

The Woodsman: Movie review

" Do you believe in fairy tales?"

I understand why many would have down voted this movie. No one wants to ever understand the sick mind of a child predator. No one wants to have a reason to forgive or excuse a person who harms others, especially our kids. Personally, I wanted to watch it and get into that mind, so I did. I watched it objectively with a somewhat open mind to try and understand the thoughts behind the act and even after watching, I have to admit, I still do not understand.

The story is about a man who was convicted for ten years for molesting little girls. It seems it started when he was younger, just a little boy who innocently napped with his sister who was two years younger than he was. In his first memory of these inappropriate thoughts, he remembers getting pleasure for smelling his little sister's hair while she slept. Later on in his life, this fantasy or maybe addiction turned to him stalking little girls and luring them into liking him with candy, chocolates, toys or whatever it is that he could do. Eventually he would ask them to sit of his lap and perhaps smell their hair while he "moved his legs funny." It became sexual gratification.

The movie plays out his struggle to get over these feeling which he recognised were inappropriate. He struggled to keep himself from acting on his sick obsessions and seemingly was fighting to be "normal". 

In his words: "Normal is when I can see a girl...be near a girl, even talk to a girl...and not think about...That's my idea of normal"

Regardless, it brought up the question: If it were true that there are people who want to be "better", who would rather not be this way, Are we willing to tolerate them? Give them a chance to be and forgive 

the acts of the past? Do we have the ability to, I guess, recognize their willingness to change? As humans we evolve everyday, we better ourselves daily. Should I dare then think that this is not the same for these predators?

Morality is highly subjective. Thieves, addicts, terrorists are given that chance to turn or change. Sexual predators though, we do not give them the time of day. Maybe then we fail to break the cycle of the molester molesting a kid who in turn molests other kids and so forth. What if that act of tolerance and forgiveness of one could break the cycle, could we consider it then?

I'm an aunt and I would possible turn violent towards anyone who touches my babies. I do not have the answers to all these questions. Hell, I do not even believe I have that "Christ-like" nature of giving second chances and forgiving all people regardless of the gravity of their sins. Its unforgivable tainting our little kids in such a way. Getting them to feel loved even appreciated, stealing their trust then violating them in what they might think to be 'okay'. They are kids, our world's future. Perhaps in another world where the cycle hasn't started we would find a way to avoid it. Perhaps in that world all sickening acts would have a cure. Perhaps then, the world wouldn't be full of perverts. Just perhaps, it would be worth giving a second chance.