How many times have you heard this?
Friend: what are you doing?
You: oh nothing just at home.
Friend: ALONE!??
Its amazing how many people fear being alone. How the thought of spending time with ourselves is a trigger for panic. We sit with ourselves unable to fathom the idea of ever being alone for a few hours without doing anything. Its okay to be alone when getting your hair done or watching a movie, doing nails or reading a book. But all alone with our thoughts and feelings is just a thing as scary as watching Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th.
The problem for most with being alone is the fact that we have to entertain ourselves with our own thoughts but because we carry heavy coats of regret or envy its just too tough. Besides, its much easier to surround yourselves with people who talk about nothing while getting drunk so our minds are too impaired to even function well. That state of being surrounded can build an illusion that everyone around us likes us enough. I guess that makes us feel special?
What's worse now, with the connectivity, we have something to keep ourselves occupied. Boredom is easier to avoid because if the worst comes to the worst we face-stalk, follow and unfollow, friend and unfriendly, like and unlike people we've never met. As my favorite person in the world right now - Alan - said "there is a problem if you stare into a screen all day pressing buttons"
Its like there is a need to not be accountable for things we did or to admit to things we failed to do. The idea if looking closely and deeply into the person we were and have become is much like looking into the mouth of a hungry bear. We fear ourselves. We don't like ourselves enough to be able to be by ourselves. The gauge of how special we are to ourselves seems to be tied to the number of people around us - regardless how insignificant they impact our lives. There is a lack of love for self. We live life hunting for compliments and dressing to be noticed, buying things we can't afford and definitely don't need just for the sake of fitting into a world that barely recognizes as anything more than just a drop of water in an ocean. Its like being special by association rather than just being special.
Maybe that is human nature. We are a species that was created in pairs (according to the Bible) and strive in communities. Human existence has never been of one man alone. I have to say though that the need for approval from everyone but ourselves is a troubling feeling for me, its hard for me to think humanity has come to this kind of existence.
If I have one aspiration in my life, is to find inner peace and do better with self love. I've never been one to worry what people think or dress in anyway other than to be comfortable. But I do know I need time for retrospection and reconnaissance. I guess I just figured out what I want for my birthday.
To anyone who reads this I say to you. "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here" - desiderata
Be gentle with yourselves. Smile for you are alive!
