Today was the first day in a while that I managed to talk myself into doing a little more than wallow and wonder in my everyday dooms-day pessimism. It should’ve been easy enough seeing that I took only two weeks to mentally prepare to start my sister’s 06:30 bootcamp class. Even with the prior notice I tried everything to get myself to come up with an excuse to not go. I couldn’t claim oversleeping because I was awake when she left. That’s right, wide awake from having taken Nasa for a puppy walk to pee. Little traitor!. I watched her stumble playing with a sock-ball-thing we made.
Maybe blame the car … fuel - it is Zimbabwe after all. Nope, too lame. This was something I signed up for so if I was going to miss my first day, then I damn well come up with something a whole lot better. I rolled my eyes and I stood with a huff.
I took a deep breathe and padded to the room with my clothes, still mulling over a possible good excuse to use. I slipped into workout pants, a workout top and my old company’s branded sweater. I’m glad that it was going to be rubbed up in mud and dust, maybe add in a few branches or fire. Yeah right. In any case, the prospect that Willi (ex-boss) would find out about this and turn into a red lollipop with smoke coming out his ears cheered me up. How dare I use such a nice sweater he paid for to a work out session? Oh but I do dare. I smiled in a maleficent fashion as I headed to the kitchen for a water bottle. I sat behind the wheel of my car trying to will one more brilliant excuse out of me, now or never... there was no turning back once the car starts. Useless mind.
The drive was quick and painless, a lot cold but painless otherwise. I don’t know what I was expecting, it was a mere 5min drive in really bad traffic. Stalling much? The earlier class seemed to be winding down as I arrived. I knew that moment that this was both great and really bad. I know I hadn’t worked out in a very long time, my poor lungs. Poor body, it was good knowing you.
There’s a place in my mind I have always found when I work out. Its a cozy cafe for thought. Plenty a thought I possess so it never really gets dull. I pushed through my high-plank. I knew whoever came up with this exercise was definitely going to heaven with the way I cursed them and a family member of theirs out, as my arms shook under the strain.
My life was and currently is under great scrutiny and review. As a bonus, I added an audit I hate tricep-dips! 9,...10, ... It almost feels like it always is under some self...What? judgement? Bias? Introspection? I decided not to go there, I had to concentrate, the sit-ups that I had moved to were trying to kill me. I’m shell shocked at myself for keeping myself on my own toes with all this randomness. Pffffft
I wished my life could be like what this class was giving me. Thoughtless repetitive movement that do wonders for my body and heart. All I had to do was stick with it. I tried that for six years and I came back with is a broken heart and dissatisfaction with the script that the world was forcing my life into. Imagine that? Life broke my heart. Ughhhhhh….stupid running trail. My lungs were burning, but at least I was feeling something. Tears brimmed and spilled over my eyelids involuntarily. Gosh what mess. I am...I am.. What am I? in pain? crying at my sister’s bootcamp is what I am…i turned away from everyone, embarrassed. I didn't care too much after that initial second though because it had been a while. I felt
