We used to be...

i used to sit with him almost everyday and he was proud of being my friend. Always used to say how odd it was that we could just sit and talk about everything, anything or nothing for hours. Our coversations were so diverse, starting from love, to lesbianism, aliens, MH370 and the rest of everything that meant so little or so much. we connected on such a profound level even though we had a gap of more than thirty decades between us.

 He'd sipped on his beer at a pace while i slowly took baby sips on my naturally sweet red wine. His Great Dane sat beside us looking slightly intimidating and mostly bored. My then friend worried that i would disappear, i assured him we were such good friends there was no way i would just disappear like  without explanation or reason.

We havent spoken in weeks. The thought of meeting him again makes me uneasy, I barely know where i would start. how i can explain the reason for the undeniable need to not be in contact with him. The connection has diffused to nothingness for me right now. I'm not thinking about fixing it, neither would it mean much. I've been disconnected from him and unfortunately it seems like he's not the last to face the wrath of my solitude seeking soul. I have a need to be without. Sola. It seems the connections I've had I feel not to to want to rekindle. Does being without mean I'm more at ease living in my silence? Maybe my joy is no longer in forged relationships but in nothing and being without? Even if without means I lose a friendship worth saving?