Lady friend

Isn't it ironic that most often than not the one person we like is a perfect TV character, or the girl you meet a week before she has to leave the country. Or the man who is perfect but turns out married. Well, I've just walked into that same trap. Thanks universe, guess you really been lookin out huh?

Its not that I hadn't noticed her until today. Its that today I got to talk to her, exchange witty playful banter and joke about all the most inappropriate things. There were moments too when I let a sensitive detail slip into her ears. I couldn't be sure what she would do with that information but anyway. I received some of her most hidden thoughts too that provoked St Joan, the angel of true love.

Its was a normal day. I arrived after she did and I did not want to sit on my station, instead i sat with her. She smiled kindly, her eyes almost letting off how pleased she was to see me. Then again I could be reading too deep into it. I went straight for business to hide my interest. She is the cliché. The typical punch line to a perfect bad joke for lesbians. She's straight, has a man she's been dating for many years and has two kids with him. Great!

We got talking. Bad idea Joan! What are doing?

There are many moments I thought I should out her as interested in a woman. The conspiracy! A woman?

Well the day couldn't have gone slower, everything seemed to float by deliberately. More secrets, more moments. Goodbye seemed like it was off the cards. In a movie she would have come to my house, we'd share a glass or plenty of wine and sleep in each other's arms and plan to elope with the kids to Mauritius, buy a beach house and wake up happily ever after if the plane didn't crash of course. But this is earth 1.0, nothing is as Hollywood. I watched her take the bus to the small red sand town she belonged with her man and kids.

She is now a tale of human connection, a story for drunken gay parties. Another woman in my world and I've become part of the Ironic song. Thanks universe!

Fictional reality

I have always had the notion that I am not attracted to looks. I still hold that notion but i have now found the right character. I have fallen for a movie character.


In all the fiction, I actually realised how she is made in the most perfect way for me. I barely want to watch anything else on TV except if it to repeat this movie and watch her, My woman character enchanting me into this love sick puppy.


Its ironic, I watch the whole movie with a stupid smile on my face, listening to every word that flows out of her mouth, as if she's saying those words only to me. As far as I'm concerned, regardless that it was scripted, they are my words.


She is an older woman, French for that matter with a witty tongue and a gorgeous smile. I love her accent and that she doesn't hide that expression of pleasure, joy - she wears her smile when her heart wants to smile. She walks deliberately and has a very interesting perception of life and love.
She probably doesn't exist. Probably? Okay okay, she doesn't exist; but she is still that perfect idea that I wish not to tarnish with any other film. I don't want to forget, or to lose the enchantment she has bestowed on me.


I guess the one thing that this has proven is that if you stay single long enough, you will lose your mind! that's okay, all I have to do now is learn French.

Older women #101

things young women should know when it comes to dating older women, now pay attention you youngsters, this is very important.


#1 The Lady of Insecurities


Older women are very insecure most the time and "cant believe that a young woman like you
could love an old prick like me!" Boo hoo! Really?


Honestly the number of women in the world are way more than men; which is why Lesbians are
the most lucky beings on this earth. The sea is full of fish! Listen up honey when I choose you,
how about just letting me love you without the constant reminder that I am in fact 10years younger
than you?




This type of woman needs to be loved right. Take her out hold her hand so all the young eyes can
see you together. Maybe, just maybe she will feel like a queen.


#2 The Jealous Lady


This is the type of woman who cant stand seeing you talk to anyone else, especially women your age
(that you have absolutely no interest in by the way). You will most likely get the "am just
wondering what you doing talking to her, am I boring you?"


For this question I suggest that you don't answer! This type of woman is a little too hard to handle,
not many get over jealousy. its one of those things that just doesn't go away but if you love her
enough to take it, hold her in your arms and reassure your feelings for her.


Her type is usually the one that is afraid to lose you or that which they share with you.
Good luck with this type of woman!


#3 The Lady Runner


This type of woman I still do not understand but this is the typical older woman. One who meets
you and lets her heart and emotions run with you. You connect in so many levels than one then
she suddenly disappears. This usually happens in more ways that one for instance, a sudden
break­up/ or more creatively ­ just disappear for days weeks or months in a time.


You are supposed to be older...what the hell you running from?? Sheeeesh. This type of woman
sucks, not because they run but because they pop back in your life just when you have just met a
nice woman you like and have just moved on. Or after they break up with you they return and
want you back usually really confusing the little sanity you hold.


I still don't know what you could do with this woman and second chances are risky but what's life
without risk? But maybe sometimes its better for your heart to just let go. Your choice!


#4 The attached woman


Many older women when you get to know them are real cool and usually have great connection.
They is usually a catch. Many of these women have women they have in their lives­ girlfriends.


The really sucky thing about this type of woman is you find out late, this is one of the details they
leave for last. I guess there is something about watching a young woman's jaw drop and heart
stop that fascinates the older generation. See now this is quite a dilemma and many young
women when they have found what they have been searching for in this woman become the other
woman...then you know what happens after that. Lesbian Drama. Ok now listen real close young
ladies. Question one you should ask is "Are you single?" this should obviously come after
stressing your feelings on honesty etc...lol. Maybe you will be spared. And second thing ­ DO
NOT ever settle for second best! Don't be the other woman.


#5 The "mother"


Okay here is a woman easy to cheat on and or leave easily. the woman who constantly refers to
age...I know this woman! I see you are older everyday I look at you, now FFS SHUT UP!! lol. This is the most annoying of all types. The one who wont let you do anything because "its not wise" and
she "the wise OLDER one" knows best. Young women, here is one word for you... RUN!!!


#6 She
This woman is the one that knows she is older but doesnt really mind...she loves you like hell
anyway. This woman will be perfect for you! :)

“OMG i almost died – Lets do it again!!”

Posted on August 8, 2012

I walked into the largest theme park in Malaysia (Berjaya Times Square theme Park) and my eyes were instantly glued on the orange track running through the theme park space. It had twirls everywhere. I had to get on it..my body had no choice but to follow my excited mind to the check in counter. This is the one thing i was willing to enjoy without getting the heart involved on the decision. I walked in with my ticket bracelet and the pass to all the rides . what more could a girl want!? well except besides maybe another girl?

so alone i walked to my first ride, the roller-coaster and sat at the front. I had the whole train to myself, it felt like it had been reserved for me and i was supposed to take it for the first spin. “sure“,  i thought “How hard could it be?”. My seat-belt on and it slowly started to move. Then suddenly a burst of twisted motions, upside-downs and fast crazy speeds. My screams of exhilaration escaped my mouth. I loved the force of the train, the speed i could feel from under my feet and the way the air would part for it and i to pass. Sudden control…holding on to this daring machine for my life. trusting it with my life.

I got down still in disbelief i hadn’t fallen out or died. a smile was pasted onto my face until the thought about theme parks crossed my mind. Who the hell, in their right minds made these rides anyway? (lets create a scene here) Did she like sit there and thinking of her next great invention then she stands and walks to her window overlooking the dust of the old roads and her horse standing there bored. She’d start to say to herself, “you know, i want to make a place where we can all go and enjoy speed and danger. where our hearts will stop momentarily in fright and/or excitement. I want to create a place where adrenalin will be constantly released from the body. A place to almost die.” She would then return to her seat and pick up her pen before coming up with a brilliant idea she exclaims loudly. “I’ll make a theme park!”

Even though it was stupid to make these rides, i guess the up side it keeps this rowdy African kid on vacation from getting into trouble? I looked up at my next ride, to spice it up, they called it the DNA mixer. “DNA mixer?? really?” Yes! I walked in and took a seat right in the middle of the second row of its victim seats. Beside me a young man and his date show up. How romantic, i thought. I guess i’m bringing a woman here for our first date?? *insert evil wizard laugh here* this was perfect!

When the ride started i thought “hmmmm..not too bad“, but that was before my DNA started getting mixed up. LITERALLY! This thing was “smartly” designed to shake your body so hard until you get your DNA mixed up with the person next to you. Not only that, my necklace kept falling into my mouth every time i was upside-down. Picture this if you will…you’re upside down trying to spit something out of your mouth and you would not dare use your hands, they are saving your life at that moment. I choked laughing at my ridiculous acts. No wonder they don’t have this thing in Zimbabwe.

Next up was the one ride which is just plain fun to be on..no strings attached. It just takes you up and spins you around gently. Its a great ride if you enjoy heights and wind. I loved, i just let myself float through the air with crazy rock music playing and lights flashing. A decent ride might i add. safest of them all. I got down all giddy and happy. no broken bones, stopping heart or crazy thoughts.

Next to it was this machine with two arms that where like two swings. It started of perfect, a big ass swing..who wouldn’t enjoy that?? I spoke to soon, the next swing was combined with a rotation that caught me off guard. The next few times it was throwing me upside-down rightside-up, then reversing the rotations just to confuse my already spoilt system. i was trying to keep my eyes closed but my body seemed to want to watch in case – i don’t know – my mind needed to flash my life before my eyes from time to time? It was an exhilarating-frightening feeling falling towards the ground. Literally watching the ground come so close to you then suddenly you’re heading towards the ceiling with no sign of slowing down. I got off the ride feeling a little ill. It was just an overdose of fun, fright and relief. I had a good time, i was mixed up and had a headache to prove it.

“OMG, i almost died” i thought, “lets do it again!” so i went on the roller-coaster again

Broken nail

When was the last time you cried? I mean really cry? The kind of cry that the tears burn your eyes, turning them red, snot dripping, veins popping kind of cry?


Its funny because I watched a show one afternoon after I knocked of from work quite early and in the show Chasing life, April woke up one morning only to find that her new husband had died in his sleep right next to her. Her best friend though hadn't really cried for anyone, she explained that she hadn't cried because she hadn't lost anyone close to her. While helping April in a treasure hunt, they went looking for a clue in a hospital room. She broke a nail which made her burst into tears like she had had her hand cut off.


I understood that feeling of bottling up emotions, not living in the disappointment or anger, not wanting to let go of all you feel and just feel despite how bad you may look to the next person. Its in that moment that when the silliest things like banging your knee on a table could cause so many emotions to overtake you in one magically stupid instant.


I've had a few tough years...with a lot of good within that of course but its been a whirlwind of keeping myself together. I walk with a bounce and smile with a twinkle but every night alone in my bed I let my mind float into the darkness dreaming outside my head. I ponder and dissect my exact feelings with not much emotions involved. It took April's best friend's nail to make me realise that I hadn't cried in a while. .


But now that I did, I sigh and look to the heavens and smile. Everything will be alright after all. At least that is what I feel in this moment and that is what I need for now.

The Woodsman: Movie review

" Do you believe in fairy tales?"

I understand why many would have down voted this movie. No one wants to ever understand the sick mind of a child predator. No one wants to have a reason to forgive or excuse a person who harms others, especially our kids. Personally, I wanted to watch it and get into that mind, so I did. I watched it objectively with a somewhat open mind to try and understand the thoughts behind the act and even after watching, I have to admit, I still do not understand.

The story is about a man who was convicted for ten years for molesting little girls. It seems it started when he was younger, just a little boy who innocently napped with his sister who was two years younger than he was. In his first memory of these inappropriate thoughts, he remembers getting pleasure for smelling his little sister's hair while she slept. Later on in his life, this fantasy or maybe addiction turned to him stalking little girls and luring them into liking him with candy, chocolates, toys or whatever it is that he could do. Eventually he would ask them to sit of his lap and perhaps smell their hair while he "moved his legs funny." It became sexual gratification.

The movie plays out his struggle to get over these feeling which he recognised were inappropriate. He struggled to keep himself from acting on his sick obsessions and seemingly was fighting to be "normal". 

In his words: "Normal is when I can see a girl...be near a girl, even talk to a girl...and not think about...That's my idea of normal"

Regardless, it brought up the question: If it were true that there are people who want to be "better", who would rather not be this way, Are we willing to tolerate them? Give them a chance to be and forgive 

the acts of the past? Do we have the ability to, I guess, recognize their willingness to change? As humans we evolve everyday, we better ourselves daily. Should I dare then think that this is not the same for these predators?

Morality is highly subjective. Thieves, addicts, terrorists are given that chance to turn or change. Sexual predators though, we do not give them the time of day. Maybe then we fail to break the cycle of the molester molesting a kid who in turn molests other kids and so forth. What if that act of tolerance and forgiveness of one could break the cycle, could we consider it then?

I'm an aunt and I would possible turn violent towards anyone who touches my babies. I do not have the answers to all these questions. Hell, I do not even believe I have that "Christ-like" nature of giving second chances and forgiving all people regardless of the gravity of their sins. Its unforgivable tainting our little kids in such a way. Getting them to feel loved even appreciated, stealing their trust then violating them in what they might think to be 'okay'. They are kids, our world's future. Perhaps in another world where the cycle hasn't started we would find a way to avoid it. Perhaps in that world all sickening acts would have a cure. Perhaps then, the world wouldn't be full of perverts. Just perhaps, it would be worth giving a second chance.

a love warrior's return from battle

I wish it were like it is in the movies. A simple emotion acted upon by two people who realise that life is much better growing old with someone you love. But its not. We've developed it into an intangible emotion which is in its pre-extinction.

I should know, I've been in my fair share of relationships, shared many promises and cuddles and just as I start engraving the idea of forever, it fades as curiously as it blossoms. And yet again, I learn the lesson even I'm not sure I know to learn.

Wouldn't it be nice to have it? The real deal? Old love herself. She's a very rare phenomenon that I admire in gasps as she screams across me so rarely. Couples who have understood the sacrifice of love and dare I say the simplicity. Their relationships seem to be carried by an emotion that many people in this age have forgotten.

I look back - in my memories and experiences, my observations and perceptions - at the number of couples that have spent more than 10 years together and it seems when we got rid of wars and the fear of dying at any moment, we lost a reason to love truly in a deeper level. Now, embedded into our kids are safe sex and status-quo. Quickies, all the temporary pleasures of friends with benefits and booty calls.

What I would give to find that little joy, simple joy of a partner who I can wake up next to for decades.

I Guess the one thing that I have learnt from all the falling and failing is that it is never guaranteed. Its like an idea, it floats, it lands and the only thing you can do is try. Afterwards you find a lesson of how not to do things, what to look out for and most importantly what mistakes to never make again. Then you take it as it is, happiness, sadness, pain, guilt, frustration, whatever it may be. And for a moment you feel it, indulge in it, take it all in like a breath of morning air and again, wait. You may never know, maybe next time you'll get it right and forever can become, I'm hoping, a very long slow ride.