So i know i haven't written in a while, i think i needed the time to become undone. I spent most of it trying to work on the book. Yep, i am writing a book - or supposed to be.
Anyway, one early evening not so long ago, i sat with...well - lets just call her a friend - Lady. We were in some sort of intoxicated state that made us feel real intelligent and world class philosophers of sorts. We decided the world order had to be unraveled, and pin-point the actual reason that we live. Bear with me here and try keep up with this mouthful as i try to decipher it.
Lets begin on the soul and the theory that souls do not in fact die, they sort of move in a constant circular motion (reincarnation). However, for the soul to "rest" there then has to be a state of shall i say euphoria that will then put the soul in an enlightened state, which needn't need the soul to keep 'reincarnating'.
This somewhat connected to yin&yang, the perfect state of balance. Lady came up with an ideology that yin&yang are two souls, that meet and create a balance. I echoed with the Christian story of Noah & the arc in which the animals were always paired in 2s for balance, for the yin&yang purpose.
Balance = the state of paired souls = soulmates.
The correct pairing of souls would then bring the living state of euphoria - which is that thing called True-Love. That boiled the whole discovery to one truth: The real reason for living is to love wholly. Not to just love anyone, but that ONE.
That, at the time, was cause for high-fives, mic-drops, happy-dances and cocky-nods between the two of us. We'd just unravelled God's plan. We were thinking "We know what you're up to". We had completely discovered the reason we came to be. Just a giant science project testing the ability of True Love's power of attraction within all and sundry living souls on earth.
Since this great new discovery of life's purpose, i have been acutely aware of my aloneness. Then the question of why i have always thought of myself as the last of my kind was somewhat answered. Can I say I know the reason my soul has been on earth for the last, I don't know, 100 years maybe? I discovered that i am incapable of taking relationships lightly. Even my attraction to women seems pretty complicated to the normal human. I'm attracted to a person from the inside out. The more real, grounded, intelligent, kind, warm, compassionate, etc. they are - the sexier they become. So there goes my aspired one-nighters and casual relationships. I'm totally screwed it seems.
The next problem is this extreme introverted state i fall into when i am single. I just cannot seem to sum up the same interest to socialise as the normal human when i am unpaired. I prefer reading a book, working on my tattoos, having a glass of wine on the balcony watching the sunset. Unlike everyone else, I spend more time within myself instead of out there on the streets like everyone else yelling "My One!" so maybe she can maybe hurry the fuck up and we live happily ever after already!
So my journey to euphoria is still on. It would be a load of bollocks to say that my awareness makes it easy for an introverted queen like me, but perhaps if you'd wish me luck?
Joan
Anyway, one early evening not so long ago, i sat with...well - lets just call her a friend - Lady. We were in some sort of intoxicated state that made us feel real intelligent and world class philosophers of sorts. We decided the world order had to be unraveled, and pin-point the actual reason that we live. Bear with me here and try keep up with this mouthful as i try to decipher it.
Lets begin on the soul and the theory that souls do not in fact die, they sort of move in a constant circular motion (reincarnation). However, for the soul to "rest" there then has to be a state of shall i say euphoria that will then put the soul in an enlightened state, which needn't need the soul to keep 'reincarnating'.
This somewhat connected to yin&yang, the perfect state of balance. Lady came up with an ideology that yin&yang are two souls, that meet and create a balance. I echoed with the Christian story of Noah & the arc in which the animals were always paired in 2s for balance, for the yin&yang purpose.
Balance = the state of paired souls = soulmates.
The correct pairing of souls would then bring the living state of euphoria - which is that thing called True-Love. That boiled the whole discovery to one truth: The real reason for living is to love wholly. Not to just love anyone, but that ONE.
That, at the time, was cause for high-fives, mic-drops, happy-dances and cocky-nods between the two of us. We'd just unravelled God's plan. We were thinking "We know what you're up to". We had completely discovered the reason we came to be. Just a giant science project testing the ability of True Love's power of attraction within all and sundry living souls on earth.
Since this great new discovery of life's purpose, i have been acutely aware of my aloneness. Then the question of why i have always thought of myself as the last of my kind was somewhat answered. Can I say I know the reason my soul has been on earth for the last, I don't know, 100 years maybe? I discovered that i am incapable of taking relationships lightly. Even my attraction to women seems pretty complicated to the normal human. I'm attracted to a person from the inside out. The more real, grounded, intelligent, kind, warm, compassionate, etc. they are - the sexier they become. So there goes my aspired one-nighters and casual relationships. I'm totally screwed it seems.
The next problem is this extreme introverted state i fall into when i am single. I just cannot seem to sum up the same interest to socialise as the normal human when i am unpaired. I prefer reading a book, working on my tattoos, having a glass of wine on the balcony watching the sunset. Unlike everyone else, I spend more time within myself instead of out there on the streets like everyone else yelling "My One!" so maybe she can maybe hurry the fuck up and we live happily ever after already!
So my journey to euphoria is still on. It would be a load of bollocks to say that my awareness makes it easy for an introverted queen like me, but perhaps if you'd wish me luck?
Joan
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