Valentine's day

Dear diary

I guess I have been pondering on the amount of times I have loved deeply. I probably should start with my "first" love which in retrospect could have been just an innocent teenage love affair with my best friend. We didn't talk deeper than music and sing together. Then, at 13, that was more than enough. That's all I needed and she gave me so much more, an extra piece of chicken when we were in the dining hall, that extra hug.

When I really think of it, I really am combing for my best friend because that's who I would want to share my life with. The girl who understands my need for intimacy without thinking its needy, one who gets that time together is a way to feed my old soul. Who gets my artistic quirks which I assume can be rather annoying. A cuddler - I don't know how to stress that point! Its a need! My cuddle addiction is so bad that my profile on the dating site starts with "Hi, I'm Joan and I'm a cuddler" !

I am a hopeless romantic and love to love hard and mostly ready to fall hard. I'm not willing to go through the new age motions of fuck buddies and like relationships. Its tricky looking for a best friend instead of love. Shouldn't it be the opposite? No point now, thanks to you TP for that standard you set.

I remember my first Valentine's, she got me a perfume with a rose. Creamed my little heart into a puddle! I don't believe in Valentine's day,not really, but since everyone is on being romantic that day I didn't want her to feel left out so I wrote her a song. *insert eye roll here* . I even sang it to her on the piano.

Now, almost 30, I barely have the guts to say hello to a woman. I smile, look a little - well cause I'm too cool I don't want to seem like I'm staring lol. For this Valentine's, I guess I caught a break, I won't need to do anything since you - whoever you are - are still being all cryptic and hiding from me!

But I won't be too much of a party pooper. For all you couples out there, even if you are like me and don't believe in the day, buy her chocolate, watch that game with him. Romance is not for one day, definitely not, but it just is good to recognise that someone out there is like us, made a day to celebrate love and romance. Maybe for those that have less expressive partners, its a great idea to have a day you can look forward to.

Love is meant to be celebrated, today, tomorrow - the 14th of February. Doesn't matter really, as long as when you are in love, you Love the best way you know how.

Happy Valentine's Day