They say the first step of healing is accepting you have a problem. I find myself sometimes trying to admit to things I don’t understand I do. I’ve often been left behind by time and I miss on saying things I needed to say or do in the moment, or sometimes I say it too fast for my brain. . .
Would this be an opportune time to say I have heard voices. I know the first thing you will think is “oh my goodness she’s a nutjob.” Perhaps. For the record, the voices haven’t told me to steal or do anything drastic. It just seemed to be instructions I was telling myself to do, except I heard it so loud it hurt. Its like being in my own mind instructing myself to take the next step and the next and the next. I literally told myself to walk, turn, switch the light on, and even pee! What would it mean if I am somewhat insane? If I had a piece of me wired the wrong way. I wonder if my acceptance of that hinders acceptance from all else around me.
The voices haven’t really been back that loud. They appear in gasps, creativity flows in trickles sometimes, in floods and most times it floats just out but in reach and it keeps me up at night. I toss and turn waiting for it, whatever IT is. and when I wake up, if I sleep, I wake up looking for something, anything. things to hold on to. I guess I am okay being weird, not wanting to talk when I have to, not needing to connect unless I want to. keeping to myself, living in myself. maybe thats what the voices are, me looking to me, being in me. or maybe not. . .
Maybe voices arent as bad as having a scar on your face…a brown spot that publicly shows your impurities. Maybe i think them a better companion than everyone i’ve ever met?
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